Fall for Pumpkin

Fall 2018, News
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LAST LAUGH

BY ANNA LYNCH

Few things excite me as much as the season of Fall does. Each year as Fall approaches, my brain decides it’s time to romanticize all things autumn. Typically, the scene I play in my head goes like this: I’m sporting trendy autumn apparel, happily hopping along on a sidewalk that’s blanketed with crisp piles of leaves, in my chic fall boots (everyone knows you’re not doing fall right if you don’t have boots).

Do You Believe in Magic begins to, quite unrealistically, play in the background as I gleefully sip my Starbucks-pumpkin-flavored-whatever. Because who cares what else is in it? Hello. Keyword: Pumpkin. Hey, high-school-aged-barista, if you could go heavy on the pumpkin, like make it taste like an actual pumpkin patch, minus the dirt and bugs, that’d be great. I’ll take 10 please.

Would I like an extra shot of espresso? Absolutely not, but I will take more pumpkin. While you’re at it, you might as well toss a generous amount of crunchy leaves in it because that’s how much I love Fall. Speaking of which, the moment I see one leaf hit the ground I’m heading straight to Target and stocking up on scented candles, buffalo-plaid-anything and a lifetime supply of scarves I don’t need.

There is one thing I could pass on in the Fall—the wind. C’mon, Mother Nature. I know I’m single and that special someone hasn’t swept me off my feet just yet, but that doesn’t mean you have to. I appreciate you being proactive and all, but large wind gusts certainly impede the cheesy Fall scene I’ve created in my head.

Oddly enough, I never recall wind gusts when I think of Fall, so it comes as a surprise every year. You’d think after 26 years on this floating orb I’d remember that, but perhaps I’m using selective recollection in this scenario. You know, like when you have a New Year’s resolution to cut back on carbs, yet 48 hours in you “can’t quite recall your resolution” as you ingest three dinner rolls (I’m speaking from experience here).

Speaking of resolutions, why can’t seasonal resolutions be a thing? Resolutions such as, “My New Year’s resolution is to stop lying to myself about making lifestyle changes” would be much more attainable if only enforced on a seasonal basis. An entire year seems a little ridiculous. No carbs for 365 days? Let’s put this into perspective: That’s 31,556,982 seconds carb-less. No. Thank. You.

Plus, if I made the silly decision to give up carbs for a seasonal resolution that means I’d probably have to give up pumpkin-flavored-everything because I’m pretty positive pumpkins have carbs. That’s too much to ask. I’ll just stick to my annual 48-hour-attempt at a New Year’s resolution I know I won’t keep while enjoying my pumpkin-flavored-whatever, and continuing to enjoy my favorite season.W

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